Just Like Boris Johnson at His Illegal Party, I Know You’re Only Here for the Colin the Caterpillar Cake

Time to squeeze out 200 words to justify attaching the British Prime Minister’s head to the most famous chocolate caterpillar ever to exist on this fair earth.

Boris Johnson is under further investigation from both Sue Gray and the Metropolitan Police, after the ITV News revelation that he attended a surprise “birthday party” with cake, “M&S picnic food,” and most crucially, other humans in summer 2020, when doing this was not allowed. It’s the latest in a series of parties at 10 Downing Street that appear to breach the Covid-19 lockdown rules set by 10 Downing Street on multiple occasions in the last 20 months.

That the food came from M&S — British supermarket Marks and Spencer, for the readers outside this island agape and aghast that a political leader can find his head attached to an insect made of flour, butter, and sugar — makes it almost guaranteed that the birthday cake in question was the most famous birthday cake in the country: A chocolate, Colin the Caterpillar Swiss roll. This is a cake which has sparked lawsuits, and for which Johnson has form: he celebrated with it in 2015, when Mayor of London:

It is of course infinitely funnier that this account is the official “Mayor of London” account, and not Johnson’s own. And while infinite laughter at Johnson’s expense is unlikely to endure, because he will somehow evade consequences for this repeated partying while other people were being arrested for sitting on benches and unable to be with their relatives in their last moments, because that’s how this cursed country works, it is still something worth considering: